


It's Okay To Cry

by matsukawas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, spoilers for the inter-high!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3079355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matsukawas/pseuds/matsukawas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short Hana/Matsu (Matsu/Hana???) story of what happened right after Seijo lost to Shiratorizawa in the Inter-High.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay To Cry

The journey back to school from the stadium felt endless, like they'll never make it back before dark. The road stretched on and on before the Aobajousai volleyball team's bus. The sun was setting in magnificent colors that would probably seem beautiful on any other day. But not today.

They lost to Shiratorizawa. Again.

The silence inside the bus was heavy yet somewhat relaxing. Only the sounds of faint sobbing and sniffling tore it momentarily. Matsukawa also cried quietly. He was somehow able to hold his tears while they stood on the court, and also on the way to the bus, but then when Hanamaki sat next to him and showed him a face dry from tears but with such a sad smile on them, he couldn't hold it.

Matsukawa spent the way back to school weeping on Hanamaki's shoulder, while the other guy patted his head and comforted him. Matsukawa didn't understand how Hanamaki can stay so cool, after they practiced so hard, practices that now seemed to be so pity. He knew that he was a tough person, but to this degree… he thought he was really amazing at that moment.

After what seemed like hours the bus finally stopped, and everyone got out. The coach ordered everyone to get inside the gymnasium so they can review the match and understand why they lost.

They made their way in a line to the gymnasium, walking slowly and silently, as though they were walking to a funeral. On their way they stopped in the club room to change their clothes and leave their bags there.

They entered the gymnasium and sat there on the floor in a circle, all beaten up. That was when Matsukawa noticed that Hanamaki wasn't with them. He is probably still in the club room, he thought and wondered why he didn't follow them.

He got up from his place and started heading back to the club room to look for his precious friend, without telling anyone. He wasn't crying any longer but he didn't feel like talking, and he was sure the others feel the same.

As he got closer to the club room he could hear a strong sound, like the sound of a metal being cracked. He started to feel uneasy so he walked just a little bit faster. When he reached the club room and found out the sound is coming from inside, his feeling of uneasiness grew stronger. With trembling hands he opened the door.

What he saw inside the club room made his heart sink. Hanamaki stood there, in front of his locker, and he was hitting it repetitively, punching it again and again, like he suddenly turned insane. A little puddle of blood started to pile up in front of him.

Matsukawa was so terrified to see him in this state it took him a while to react. He ran towards him, locked his arms under Hanamaki's armpits and tried to drag him away from the lockers. It wasn't easy because he kept struggling, but Matsukawa's taller body aided him this time and he was able to pull him away just enough.

"Leave me, Matsukawa, let go of me!" Hanamaki yelled.

"No way. Look at your hands, they're bleeding badly. If you keep this up you'll get injured even worse, and you won't be able to play volleyball for a while."

"Who cares about that," he answered, "It's over for us anyway."

"What are you saying?" Mastukawa was so surprised to hear this coming from Hanamaki's mouth. Him of all people… "We still have the spring tournament, have you forgotten?"

"But I… How can I…" his voice cracked and he lowered his eyes. Seemed like something is really bothering him, something he can't or don't want to say, and Matsukawa felt terrible he couldn't understand what this thing is.

"Let's treat those hands of yours first." Mastukawa decided to change the topic to let both of them organize their thoughts.

He led Hanamaki to one of the benches in the room and told him to sit there. He then pulled out the first aid kit from the closet, grabbed some bandages and turned to put them on Hanamaki's bruised hands. When he was done, he sat on the bench next to Hanamaki and examined him carefully.

Seemed like he calmed down for now and Matsukawa felt really relieved, but he wore such a miserable expression on his face, Matsukawa felt like crying again just from looking at it. That expression summed up exactly how he himself and the rest felt, but something else was hidden behind it. While he was thinking how to make him tell him what happened without causing him to snap again, Hanamaki started to talk.

"I held it in all the way back here, but honestly I don't how I'll be able to face Iwaizumi and Oikawa from now on."

"Ah? Why is there need to be a problem in you facing them? I don't understand…"

"Because I…" He clenched his teeth and his hands, "I let them down. After all we've been through together, after all the time we practiced together, in the end I let them down… I let you down, Matsukawa."

"Wait a second, there's some kind of mistake here," Mastukawa really didn't understand. Why is Hanamaki feeling like this? "You didn't let anyone down, especially not me."

"But I… I gave up so many points today, my receives sucked, I even missed a few of my serves… As a third year I should be more responsible, but I failed and disappointed everyone."

So that what it's all about. Geez, this guy… What good does it do to think about useless things like this? But in the end that's what he liked about him. Matsukawa smiled and after some hesitations, he placed his hand on Hanamaki's thigh. Hanamaki, a little surprised but not necessarily unhappy, looked straight at Matsukawa. Their eyes met.

"No one is even thinking about blaming you, Hanamaki. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, myself… we three know more than anyone how hard you practiced, how much you wanted to win… there's no way you'll ever disappoint us. I won't allow you to think things like this about yourself."

"Matsukawa… you really mean it, right?"

"Of course. Nothing's over yet, there's still one last chance for us. We're going together to the spring tournament, right?"

"You bet." His usual wide smile appeared on his face, which really put Matsukawa's heart at ease, "Thank you Matsukawa, I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm happy I spoke to you."

Matsukawa looked a little offended, "Stupid, I won't forgive you if you don't tell me this kind of things. What do you have me for?"

Hanamaki laughed, "You're right. I'll always depend on you from now on."

"Like you haven't until now."

"You're not one to talk!"

They both laughed, and Hanamaki casually grabbed Matsukawa's hand that rested all this time on his thigh. They sat like this for some time, holding hands and enjoying each other's body warmth, until Matsukawa said one last thing.

"Hanamaki, there's one more thing I want you to depend on me for. You can cry in front of me, you know."

"You're the last person I'm going to cry in front of, Matsukawa" Hanamaki said somewhat coldly and left Matsukawa's hand.

"You're wrong, Hanamaki, _because_ it's me you can cry. You don’t have to act tough in front of me. It's okay to cry. When you lose a match, or when you're in front of the person dearest to you… it's always okay to cry. And it helps, I know."

"Then," Hanamaki said quietly and placed his head lightly on Matsukawa's shoulder, "I'm not going to hold back."

"Please don't."

He cried so silently, that if Matsukawa hasn't felt his shirt getting wet, he would've never known Hanamaki cried. It was probably the first time Matsukawa saw Hanamaki crying since they entered high school, and now his heart can finally feel at ease. He took Hanamaki's bandaged hand back into his and tangled their fingers together. He swore to stay like this until Hanamaki doesn't have any harsh feelings toward himself in his heart anymore. It didn't matter if they were going to get scolded later. Now is what important.

They're going to win the spring high. For sure.

**Author's Note:**

> So English is not my native language so I may have a few mistakes here and there, but I tried my best! I really love writing about these two, they deserve more fanworks!  
> This is a fic I posted some time ago to my Tumblr and now I decided to post it here too.


End file.
